Friday, January 19, 2007
My Dread
I am at a close cage with a lot of peers. The teacher warns us about the hard work that he is going to give us. I get terified about that news. He tells us "You got homework for the whole weekend". The whole world just turned black when I heard that. I just grabed the thorny papers and put it in my backpack.
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7 comments:
This really appealed to me because I also do not like homework, especially over the weekend. I also liked how you put quotes in your writing, it adds sound to it (one of the 5 senses). However the thing that I think can be improved on the most is its length because, the longer it is, the more detail you can put in. the more detail that is in there, the more the reader can fully understand whats going on and exactly how u feel.
I really liked this paragraph that you wrote because it really has strong adjectives. When you use this adjectives you make me think and wonder what it means, then i have to use a dictionary to look the word up. I also comprehend you about the content of your writing because i also don't like homework on the weekend. This can be improved by adding some more to what you wrote.
Juniorrrr.
You weren't at school today!
Well, you got assigned in my blog group. More info on Jana's blog on the homework for tonight.
Your descriptive paragraph was greatt! You used alot of strong adjectives and verbs. This really appealed to me because I can relate to you, I also hate homework. I really liked this line "The whole world just turned black when I heard that." It really appealed to my sense of sight. I could picture the feeling you could have had when you were assigned with homework. I also liked how you described the whole world turning black. That created emotion & a little drama to your piece. (:
This last line from your paragraph also stood out. "I just grabbed the thorny papers and put it in my backpack." The word "thorny" really helped this line. It made me feel how homework is something you really don't want to do, but you still have to. Sort of a fear.
Your overall piece was great! But I also think you could have added a few more lines to create a mood.
I like it when you describe the papers as thorny because it expresses a lot of feeling and anger.
I like the use of the word thorny when describing the paper. I think it is because even though paper isn't thorny at all, it is the state of mind of frustration and sadness that conveys it well.
I agree with Austin and I think that thorny was a good descriptive word. It was also an example of figurative language. I can imagine you not wanting to do the homework or pick it up because it is covered in sharp barbs. Next time, more adjectives and verbs would make a better descriptive paragraph.
I really liked this paragraph that you wrote because it really has strong adjectives.
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